I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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