I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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