When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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