New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
