You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And then my night got REAL pukey
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize