just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
