he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
