kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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