So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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