Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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