I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
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