he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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