Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
