Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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