I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
