I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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