Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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