I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
