Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
