I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
