I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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