We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
