i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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