Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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