woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
