Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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