Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
