Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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