he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
