If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
