I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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