Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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