So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
