well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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