i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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