I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
