apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
