Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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