I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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