Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
