he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
