I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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