Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
