drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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