God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
