SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
