just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
