Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
