If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
