I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
