the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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