Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
