I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
