i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
