i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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