The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
