That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
