the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
