in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
