Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
