At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
