If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
