who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
