I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
