After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
