Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
