you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
