You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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