I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
