I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
