This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
