The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
