FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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