I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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