Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think your dad took our porno
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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