why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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