just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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