I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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