My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
