i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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