I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
